Will you blow on my dice?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
3pm strippers are depressing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
