So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
