White coat. Heels.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
