We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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