Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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