Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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