we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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