Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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