You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
