i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
