I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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