Are we in a gay sports bar?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
