Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
