Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
