fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Welp...herpes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
