Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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