Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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