the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
