just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
