walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
