STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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