Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
