There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
