I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
