My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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