I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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