I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
