You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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