btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
