It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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