yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
