Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
