i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
