She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
