Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
