Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
