Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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