I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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