I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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