So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
