its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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