Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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