Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
