if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
