So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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