Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude. I can hear the air.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
