i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
