I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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