I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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