he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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