I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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